“I know what I need to do. I just can’t seem to do it.”

“Eating is the last thing on my priority list.”

“I take the time to feed my kids, but I never do it for myself.”

If these feel familiar, you’re not alone.

Many of my nutrition coaching clients put eating at the very bottom of their priority list. Work, school, family, social obligations, and even downtime all come first.

Here’s how this often shows up in real life:

• Not eating or drinking anything until 3 PM.
• Surviving on Doritos, cookies, and whatever else is in the work break room.
• Buying fresh ingredients on Sunday with the best intentions, only to order takeout all week and find wilted spinach and moldy blueberries by Friday.
• Eating your kids’ leftovers, handfuls of Goldfish, and gummy bears instead of sitting down to actual meals.

Usually, these days end the same way: with guilt, frustration, and the question: “Why do I keep doing this?”

Most people chalk it up to laziness or a lack of willpower, but in my experience, that’s almost never the real reason.

The people I work with are hardworking, capable, and resilient. They show up for everyone else. They juggle a lot. Eating isn’t failing because they don’t care — it’s hard because of everything layered underneath it.

The Question That Changes Everything

When someone feels stuck in this cycle, there’s a question I almost always ask:

“What did mealtime and eating look like for you growing up?”

Before we go any further, I want to be very clear: this is not about blaming parents or caregivers. I ask this question to help people understand where their relationship with food began and why certain patterns make sense.

We explore it so clients can loosen beliefs that no longer serve them and start building habits that actually align with their current needs and values.

And before you put me on a pedestal, let me also be transparent.

I am not a perfect eater. I’ve skipped meals because I was busy working. I’ve thrown away food I meant to cook because takeout sounded easier. I’ve gone too long without eating and found myself halfway through a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

Life happens. I’m human. 

The difference is that I’ve learned to respond to these moments with curiosity instead of judgment. What contributed to this? What do I need? What could help next time?

Which brings us right back to that question: What did eating look like for you growing up?

The Patterns We Don’t Realize We’re Carrying

This question often leads to “aha” moments. People tell me things like, “I’ve never thought about that before,” or “This suddenly makes so much sense.”

One client rarely saw their parents eat; family dinners, when they happened, were tense.

Another client grew up in foster care, moving frequently. Food was unreliable; school meals, though consistent, were unsatisfying.

Another client grew up hearing conflicting messages from the same people: “I made this for you because I love you — have seconds!” followed by “You need to watch what you eat. I’m worried about your weight.”

I’ve heard countless other stories:

• Being bullied during school lunch.
• Growing up with food insecurity.
• Being forced to clean your plate because “there are starving kids somewhere in the world.”
• Participating in sports where coaches/teammates encouraged dieting and weight loss.

And then, layered on top of all of that? Years (sometimes decades) of dieting.

Dieting leaves people with rigid lists of “good” and “bad” foods, making eating feel confusing, overwhelming, and emotionally charged.

So no, this isn’t simply about discipline.

Why Making Eating a Priority Feels So Unnatural

It makes sense that eating doesn’t feel like a priority if you were never shown how to make it one. Why would you want to eat if it were rarely peaceful, enjoyable, or consistent?

When food has been stressful, scarce, moralized, or ignored for most of your life, your nervous system doesn’t exactly see meals as safe or worth slowing down for.

That’s not a personal failure. That’s a learned response.

So… What Now?

The next questions become:

• How can you make more time for eating?
• How can you add more intention without adding pressure?
• How can eating feel calmer, even just a little?

For some clients, this starts with planning meals together during our sessions and building realistic grocery lists.

For others, it looks like untangling diet rules and reconnecting with foods that feel both nourishing and enjoyable.

For most people, it’s a mix of these approaches.

This work takes time. It requires curiosity, patience, and compassion. There’s no quick fix (and there doesn’t need to be).

If you’re stuck asking, “Why do I keep doing this?” remember that it’s not laziness or lack of self-control. Eating challenges often come from past experiences and learned patterns, not willpower.

Get curious instead.

And remember: you don’t have to figure this out on your own.

There’s a whole group of people called registered dietitians whose job is literally to help you nourish yourself in a way that fits your real life.

Ready for support? Book a free 15-minute discovery call to learn more about nutrition coaching.